i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
