Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
We got so high we made milksteak
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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