Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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