if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
