Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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