I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
