sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
