Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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