i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
