sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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