Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
