Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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