Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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