A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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