before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
