Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
