Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
