The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
