Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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