Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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