I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
BRING THE BAGELS
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
