Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
