My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
