I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
