i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
