Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
