Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
