fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize