why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
