you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
