sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
