she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
