in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
my sisters under your porch take her home
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
