There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
