i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
