I wanna bring you to show and tell
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
