I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
