Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
