Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Non-Jews are for practice
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
