I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
