I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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