If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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