Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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