I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
