Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
