i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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