i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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