I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
