Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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