Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
