You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize