I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
