Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
