Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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