You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
