Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
