I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
