That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
