Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
