The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
