No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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