And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
