I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
