I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
