I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
