That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
