i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
